Mom as a character

If you had a mother of any kind, it’s hard to write about your childhood without mentioning her. Many a best-selling book would not have been written without the influence of a mother who was worth writing about, for better or worse. In many cases, the more conflicted the story, the more interesting it is. Think about The Glass Castle, Educated, and Hillbilly Elegy.

Memoir isn’t the only genre in which the mother figure looms large. How many wicked stepmothers were inspired by actual stepmothers? And how would the story have been different had it been written from her perspective?

But this poses a problem for the writer: How honest can you be without ruining your relationship with your mother?

It depends on your audience. If your mother will be among your readers, it may be wise to consider her feelings, or better yet, let her be your proofreader.

Of course, this won’t work for every story. It’s worth noting that the writers of many of the past decade’s best-selling memoirs already had tenuous relationships with their parents before their books were published. It would seem they didn’t have much to lose in terms of family support.

As a writer, you have to ask yourself, what do you really have to gain from telling your story? A book deal? Understanding?

It is possible that someone who had a similar experience would benefit from reading your story, that it would help some readers feel less alone in the world. That is one of the more virtuous characteristics of writing.

Or maybe yours is worth reading just because it’s a good story. That may be the best reason to write it. Depending on your style, target audience, and your relationship with your mother, that may be where fiction is a better choice than nonfiction.

While nobody wants to be villainized in nonfiction, some people get an egotistical kick from being turned into characters who aren’t exactly perfect, but whose actions and quirks make them interesting.

You can take that idea a step further by involving them in the process. Hand them your

story and ask them what they think before you send it anywhere else.

It occurred to me recently that we may know our mothers better than we know ourselves. After all, we’ve known them all our lives and it’s easy to be objective about someone else, shortcomings and all.

I bet your mother had a motto or a saying you could still quote word-for-word.

How well do you know your mother?

One way to find out is to answer the Marcel Proust Character Questionnaire, shown here on the Gotham Writers website. You can answer these questions as if you were your actual mother, or your mother as a slightly quirkier fictional character.

After you answer the questions as you believe your mom would, it might be interesting to have her answer them herself.

Then show her your answers, if you dare.

-Star Friend teaches writing in Winchester, VA, and is a teacher consultant with the Shenandoah Valley Writing Project.